Elementary My Dear

During free time at yg retreat.
Eleven-year-old boy: (Walks in from outside.) Stupid hose!
Me: (Shocked.) [Insert boy’s name in caps lock]!!!!
Everyone: (Giving me a weird look or shaking head.)
Fellow retreat leader: I think he was referring to the garden hose.

Right before Bible study.
Ten year old girl: (Points to tiny boy.) Pastor Elle, he’s not supposed to be here.
Me: You guys, be nice.
Ten year old: Make him leaaave!
Nine year old boy: He’s only four!
Four year old boy: (Eyes wide open like saucers, shrinks back.)
Me: What?? He’s only FOUR? (Jaw drops.) He shouldn’t be here!!
Nine and ten year old: THAT’S WHAT WE WERE TRYING TO TELL YOU!!!

Playing charades.
Six-year-old girl: (Clawing the air.) Rawrr.
Eight-year-old girl: Bear!
Six-year-old: No, it’s like a cat.
Eight-year-old: Cat!
Six-year-old: No it begins with an L… O… I…
Eight-year-old: Lion! My turn. (Struts like a super model and tosses her hair.)
Six-year-old: Sheep!

Taping for Christmas video.
Me: Jesus is the best present.
Eight-year-old girl: Jesus is the best present.
Me: Better than iPods.
Eight-year-old: (Slow grin.) Better than everything.
Me: Say it one more time, Jesus is the best present, better than iPods.
Eight-year-old: Jesus is the best present, better than (pause) everything.
Me: No. Jesus is better than iPods!
Eight-year-old: Uh-uh!
Me: Say it!
Eight-year-old: (Clenched teeth.) Nnnever!
Me: Oh my gosh! You don’t think Jesus is better?
Eight-year-old: He IS.
Me: Okay, so say Jesus is better than iPods.
Eight-year-old: Nooooooo!

 

When I am especially nice to them (e.g. driving them to Ralphs to pick up snacks) they will start addressing me as “my girl,” “my love,” and “my honey.” Even the too-cool-for-school oldest boy will like open my car door for me with a grin and say “Here you go my love!” Cracks me up.